Women!
by The Writer Triumphant
Summary: Yahiko, self procalimed Tokyo Samurai, seriously needs to learn to keep his mouth shut around the fairer sex. [oneshot]


**Women!

* * *

**

**Disclaimer: **Not mine. No legal claims have I. Beware the fanfic writer... they always twist and poke... Dance, puppets, dance!

**For **My big bro, my southern brother from another mother. Challenge accepted!

**Challenged: **"I challenge you, most beloved sis, to write a fanfic of Rurouni Kenshin, including the following Dialogue: "Oro... Sano, why are you dressed like a German woman?"

And containing one Yahiko ass-kicking.

En Garde!

* * *

**Myojin** **Yahiko **was _not_ sulking. Definitely not. Sulking is for weaklings, women – women! – and little kids. Not Samurai. He wasn't sulking. He was _brooding_. Yes. "Brooding" was a much darker sounding word than "sulking" and, therefore, acceptable. That it was.

And why, exactly, was the self-proclaimed Tokyo Samurai brooding?

"Tsubame," he managed to admit when prodded by Kenshin.

The rurouni's eyes widened slightly at that. "Sessha thought Yahiko-kun and Tsubame-chan were... uh... on friendly terms?"

Yahiko squirmed.

"Well, she yelled at me today."

Kenshin made a sound that mingled understanding and sympathy. "Well, perhaps you should let her be for a while and then go apologize?"

Yahiko released an annoyed sort of 'hmph!' and crossed his arms. "Why should I? I didn't even do anything wrong! She was just yelling at me for no reason!"

Kenshin contemplated this. "Sa... women are very sensitive creatures, Yahiko-kun," he began, hoping he was being of some help. He was fully aware that the young samurai regarded him as a sort of father figure, and he certainly didn't want to ruin it. "It is possible that you did something... and didn't realize that you would upset her."

"I kind of figured as much. I'm not _that_ stupid," Yahiko muttered, but he seemed to be less troubled already.

A warm smile lit the rurouni's violet eyes. Yahiko returned the gesture, then left the former battosai to the laundry, suppressing a snicker and the urge to kick himself. Why had he entertained the idea that _Kenshin_ of all people could help him with his girl problems? The man hadn't even made a move on Kaoru yet! Okay, so she was a short tempered _busu_ who couldn't cook for shit, but it was so obvious that he _wanted_ to!

So.

That left one other person he could ask for advice. And he had the suspicion that not even Sanosuke Sagara – though much more brazen and open about women – could help him. Unfortunately, Yahiko didn't know who else to ask. Saitou, perhaps? Hell no.

It took the better part of two hours to find the troublemaker, and as he expected, he was in bad shape when he did find him, sitting outside a bar downtown.

"And don't come back, you filthy punk!"

Yahiko smirked. "Got kicked out for gambling again, huh?"

"Shut up, brat," he grumbled.

"Hey, Sano..."

"What?" he snapped, then realized that the boy was serious. He narrowed his eyes, crossed his arms, and waited.

"Uh... I don't normally ask your advice on things... but Tsubame..."

Sanosuke smirked and leaned back against the wall, ignoring the glares of the woman who'd kicked him out.

"You want me to help you with your girlfriend?"

"She's not my girlfriend!" Yahiko snapped, cheeks flushing red.

"But you want her to be," Sano prompted.

"Well, yeah. But today she yelled at me. And I can't figure out what I did wrong!"

Had the situation been a different one, Sano would have laughed and lightly insulted the kid before walking off to the Kamiya dojo in hopes of a free dinner. But when it came to women... maybe he should be a little more helpful. Women were hard to understand. Them and their tempers. Like Kaoru, for instance. He shuddered.

"Well, Yahiko-chan," he began, smirking when the younger flinched at the suffix, "Women have these weird things called mood swings. Sometimes they just can't control themselves. So, chances are she was just blowing up at you to vent."

"That's stupid..." Yahiko mused aloud.

"Don't tell her that. You've got to pretend that it was no big deal. Unless you want her to start crying."

Yahiko nodded. He definitely didn't want that. "So I should just pretend nothing happened?"

"Not really. Women are all about playing the victim. The damsel in distress, if you will. So you've got to act like it was your fault, be the man, and go apologize."

Yahiko seemed to think on this. "Does this tactic ever work for you on Megumi?" he ventured.

"Of course it does!" the rooster-head said, trying to sound confident, but not quite pulling it off. Actually, it sounded to Yahiko that he was being defensive. Still... it was better advice than Kenshin had given, providing him with more insight, anyway.

"I guess I'll go apologize to her tomorrow, then."

"You'd better not wait."

"Huh?"

"Women are also pretty impatient. And if you wait too long, she just might be angrier."

"Oh."

Sanosuke grinned. "Here. Tell you what... I'll tell you exactly what you should say to her."

* * *

It was nearing sunset when Yahiko managed to get back to the Akabeko, and he was lucky in that Tsubame was outside, sweeping the path. He approached her cautiously, hoping that her mood swing had already swung as it was far as it was going to go, leaving only his patient, soft-spoken friend.

"Eh... _konbanwa_, Tsubame-chan," he greeted.

"Yahiko-kun..." she smiled softly, and he knew he was safe.

"_Eto_... about earlier... _gomenasai_... _bokuwa_..." he began.

Tsubame tilted her head to the side. "It's okay, Yahiko-kun. I shouldn't have lost my temper. How could I think you'd forgotten?"

_Nani?_ Yahiko blinked. What was she talking about?

"Of course you couldn't be that forgetful, could you?" she pressed, and Yahiko had the feeling that he was in big trouble.

"Of course not..." he said slowly, biding his time. "And anyway," he said with a smile, reciting what Sanosuke had advised, "I think you're beautiful..."

Tsubame smiled and blushed. "But I was so horrible to you this morning! I must have looked like an old ugly hag, yelling like that."

Yahiko relaxed and laughed a little. "You did, actually... you were so much like Kaoru-_busu_ it was scary..."

He never finished that sentence.

* * *

Kenshin shifted in his sleep. Kaoru prodded him again.

"Oro... Sano, why are you dressed like a German woman?" he mumbled in his sleep.

Kaoru blinked. Prodded again. Eventually the swordsman's eyes opened.

"Sa... gomenasai, Kaoru-dono. Sessha was napping when he should have been preparing dinner."

"Never mind dinner, Kenshin," the young woman said, shaking her head. "I wondered if you knew where Yahiko might be? I haven't seen him all day, and he missed his lesson."

Kenshin thought. Ah. "He might be with Tsubame-chan. I believe they had a fight earlier and Yahiko went to - "

A shout cut his words short and they both ran out, recognizing the voice as Yahiko's.

"Tsubame! I said I was sorry!"

It was an amusing scene, to say the least, the self-proclaimed Tokyo Samurai being smacked about the head rather effectively by a girl. And with his own _shinai_, as well. Tsubame didn't stop until she'd raised a few lumps on his head, then marched off, satisfied.

"I take it you were unsuccessful with Tsubame-chan?" Kenshin asked politely, an amused sparkle in his eye.

"Shut up," the boy grumbled. "Just because she's having a damn mood swing... she's probably on her period, too..." he stood up, brushing himself off, muttering something that sounded like, "Almost as bad as Kaoru with that temper..."

Kenshin winced in sympathy as Kaoru's eye narrowed and she reached for the abandoned shinai.

"YAHIKO, YOU BRAT!!!!"

He went inside to prepare dinner, wondering if it was unkind to laugh at the poor boy, getting beaten by two women in the span of a few minutes.

* * *

**-The Writer**

**Japanese translations:**

_Sessha_: "this one" (Kenshin's addressing of himself)

_Busu_: hag, ugly, crone (Yahiko's term of 'endearment' for Kaoru)

_Konbanwa_: "good evening"

_Gomenasai_: "sorry"

_Bokuwa_: I (informal, usually used by boys in place of "watakushi"... "wa" is the subject marker and therefore attached)

_Shinai_: bamboo practice sword


End file.
